Improving Someone Else's Mood

Have you ever wondered why more people aren't making an effort to improve their moods and attitudes? Has it ever bothered you? Maybe even frustrated you? There are four common reasons why more people don't try to feel better:

1. They don't realize how foolish it is to stay in a bad mood. They don't understand the far-reaching consequences.

2. They don't know good methods exist and really work.

3. They think positive attitudes are phony, and they don't want to be phony.

4. Even if none of the first three apply, most people know very few good methods for raising their moods, so they feel it's not worth the effort.

So instead of being irritated at the negative attitudes of those around you — and before you go trying to improve their moods — first become a master of your own great attitude.

Let's say another person has a bad attitude, and that makes you irritated. If you asked him why he's in a bad mood, he can tell you. It has something to do with something outside him. Almost never do people think they're in a bad mood because of something he himself is doing.

Step back and see this situation from a distance. You are irritated at him for having such a lousy attitude. In other words, you are in a bad mood because of something outside you — the guy with the bad attitude. If you can't manage to get into a good mood despite his attitude, then you have no right to expect him to overcome his bad mood, which was caused by something outside him.

When you are able to stay in a great mood regardless of anyone else's attitude, then you will have the right and will be in a position to help them improve their own attitude. But you will have no need to do so. You won't need anyone to feel good so you can feel good. But you'll help them feel good anyway, out of pure kindness. And that will really help.

Adam Khan is the author of Self-Help Stuff That Works and Cultivating Fire: How to Keep Your Motivation White Hot.