How To Get Girls

While I was watching Groundhog Day recently, I couldn't help but noticing Phil (the weatherman) doing something most men do: Trying to be what he thought she wanted.

A man will guess — or a woman has told him — what she likes. And then he tries to be that way, pretends to like things he doesn't like, acts like a person he really isn't, and is dishonest with her (rather than just being who he is).

The whole enterprise is doomed to failure. Women can see right through men. They have evolved an integrity-detector second to none, and they can tell when a man is full of shit. Their offsprings' whole future — their genetic destiny — depends very crucially on their ability to see through pretense. And they can. Easily. They don't even have to try.

So all the books and seminars out there about how to pick up women and how to be super slick and what kind of pickup lines to use — that whole approach is destined for failure. It is a way to trick a woman into thinking you're something you're not. So it might work for a one-night stand with a woman who is looking for a one-night stand (or who has drank enough alcohol to temporarily interfere with her integrity-detector). But if you're a man looking for love, forget it. You're barking up the wrong tree.

If you want to get a woman, if you want to find love, and if you want to have a real relationship, forget about pickup lines or pretending to be Mr. Cool. Forget about trying to even guess what she likes or wants. Focus all your energy on exploring your own integrity. When you are a truly good man, when you are true to yourself, when you know what you want, and when you are honest with yourself and others, good women will be able to detect it and they'll be deeply attracted to it.

Adam Khan is the author of Self-Reliance, Translated and Principles For Personal Growth. Follow his podcast, The Adam Bomb.